What does it feel like?

Yesterday we had an appointment with Sara's feeding therapist. She had a baby with a tube herself a couple of years ago. She described to me how it felt to have a baby with a tube. I could not have agreed more. She said "I have tried to find a word to describe it and I came up with hell. But it is actually worse than hell. It consumes every single minute of your day and every ounce of your body."

I need to be strong for Sara. She is innocent and does not realize everything that goes on. But the guilt of knowing that she was probably too sensitive to be taken care out of the home. It is hard to understand why an otherwise perfectly healthy baby refused to take her bottle. I know I am taking her to be best clinic in the world. I also know from other moms that the process is not for wimps; that it is really hard for the mother. I am scared since I will be going by myself with Sara. I need to be strong.

It helps to know that we have people praying for us. It has also been very helpful to have met (by phone) two other moms here in the US that have gone through this. I also have a friend that has been able to come to the house and watched Sara for a couple of hours every couple of weeks. We were able to go out and have a Valentines lunch, our first time out without Sara since my mom left. I am also thankful for Ted, Jamie, and little Ethan visiting us on the weekends to brighten our days. A friend is the one that comes in when the whole world has gone out.